Bully? WHO ME?

freedom-for-blog

Have you ever been mean to somebody? Intentionally? I have, as a matter of fact, not too long ago. And it was someone I cared about but didn’t know very well. I knew what I was doing and wanted desperately to stop but I didn’t. I couldn’t. The desire to lash out took over time and time again. It was embarrassing.

I was being a bully. I admit it; I did that, at my age.
I know now that bullying isn’t just a child’s plight, it can occur at any age. Well, after a few months of trying to justify my actions I called this person and apologized. I didn’t have an excuse so I didn’t try to give any reason for it. I actually told them that I had no idea why I did what I did and that was the truth.

Fortunately for me the person had forgiven me long before I called. Ouch. I’m glad they did but hearing that they forgave me still hurt. I felt worse about my actions.

Since the call we have talked a few times and have had wonderful conversations. I also realized that the situation wasn’t completely over until I forgave myself. Not just verbalizing “I forgive me”, it’s a process and series of thoughts and actions toward myself; getting off my back; thinking positive about who I am; loving on me; being gentle with myself as I am a work in progress.

Freedom! My mind and heart are clear today. Amends + Forgiveness = Reconciliation.
My world is a better place.

“No message could have
Been any clearer
If you wanna make the world
A better place
Take a look at yourself and
Then make a change”
Michael Jackson, Man in the Mirror